Monthly Archives: December 2012

Top 10 Bird Insults – 2012


As many of my friends (and detractors) are aware, each year, I post the most interesting (to me) insults, disses, slams, hissy-fits, threats and other such outbursts I receive during the previous year…So. let’s get 2013 started off right!

10. Liar!


Jay’s Response: A gift from a friend of a friend of an enemy of a friend. If Mr. Barger says I’m a liar, then it must be true.

(see the video here).

9. “I send this every year…WTF is up with your head? It’s just shaped weird. Did you have a massive head injury as a kid?”


Jay’s Response: It’s not a head injury! I tell you that every year. It’s my love of peanut M&M’s.

8. “Please just shut up and let that sore on your face that sounds come out of have a chance to heal.”

sore mouth

Jay’s response: I have actually laid pretty low this year. My mouth sore is healing nicely. Hard to talk with all these zosters anyway. But when I heal up, watch out!

7. “I wish cancer on you.”


Jay’s response: This is a cancer cell. If it makes you feel any better, I cough a few of these up every morning with my a.m. Marlboro. I think all the Jack Daniels is killing off their ability to really take hold, but keep your fingers crossed.

6. “You are not only stupid, but you create stupidity in others. Is this your gift to mankind?”


Jay’s Response: I was stupid when I used to wear my hair like this. Now I smaart.

5. “I could find a better story than your’s in my dead grandfather’s butthole.”


Jay’s response: Here’s a picture of my butt. Come find one here, bitch.

PS: I rarely wear this style of panties.

4. “If your father had just used a condom, he could have avoided putting the rest of us through you.”


Jay’s response: Who is to say that he didn’t. Maybe this was my first example of overachieving when I burst through the latex.

3. “My friend gave me your book and I wasted no time reading it. I think maybe you got the wrong version.”

Not these:

no3 no 4book-no-angel_300no 5

Jay’s response: This is mine (see below). I wrote a special edition to make it easy for people like you to read:

no simple

2. “Dear JayTurd, I wouldn’t kill you, but I would read your obituary with a smile.”

Jay’s response: Get in line and take a number. The line goes out the mortuary door, around the corner and down the street. You are holding number 687,351 I am am still serving number 1. It may take a while.

dead bird

And my choice as the 2012 “Bird Insult of the Year”…this one came all the way from Japan. I did the best I could here (not speaking or writing Japanese), but with the use of Google Translator, I was able to get close…

1. あなたの本は日本にある。それは嫌です。
Translation: Your book is in Japan. I do not like it.

signed, 皇帝キング
Translation: The Emperor King

Jay’s Response: 裕仁を聞く。クール文化がいますが、米国を侮辱最後の時間を何が起こったのか忘れていない?ブーム!チキンフライドステーキ。アップルパイ。フットボール。バーベキュー。バドライト。ドライブイン映画。キノコ雲。
Translation: Listen up, Hirohito. Cool culture, but don’t forget what happened the last time you insulted the United States…Boom! Chicken-fried steak. Apple pie. Football. Barbecue. Bud Light. Drive-in movies. Mushroom cloud.

NA Japan

With that, let’s all rock it for 2013. Stay tuned for most posts throughout the year and keep the insults coming. You are my entertainment. To the haters and the friends, my sincere wishes that 2013 will be your best year ever. Good fortune to each of you in everything you do, everywhere you go, and everything you touch. God Bless.